A Two Year Old's Unconditional Forgiveness

I recently did some soul searching on Pinterest (shocked that I was on pinterest, huh?). I came across this amazing quote, "The thing about forgiving, is that after forgiving, only then, can you start to heal. If you don't forgive, you are filled with hate and anger." This spoke volumes with me and moved me to make some choices in my life. I'm making the decision during this lenten season, to learn what forgiveness means to me. But like so many other attributes I wish I possessed, strength, perseverance, and undoubting trust for others, I can always look to my girls to teach me the most important lessons in life.

The other day, I discovered what forgiveness meant through Penelope's eyes. I had woken up like any other day at seven o' clock to feed Scarlett when I realized that my neck hurt and my head was pounding. I still felt extremely tired and came to the conclusion that I was attempting to get sick. From this point, I just knew my day would be bad and didn't even give it the opportunity to be other than that.

When I am not 100%, everything could go as any other typical day, but for some reason, I am heightened to errors. Since I am human and not flawless, these seem to be the times that I am abrupt and let's be honest, thoughtless. I never mind asking my Penelope to do something a few times, she's two, it's only natural. But on days where I am tired and irritable, I all of a sudden expect her to do what is asked of her the very first time. On this specific day, after asking her once to sit at the table and with an empty fulfillment, I snapped at her and told her to sit down at the table now, in a very harsh tone.

My sharp and raised tone surprised her and brought tears to her eyes. I knew immediately I had been in the wrong. As she went and sat at the table, like a good little girl, my sweet, sensitive Penelope sobbed for mommy. I had just hurt my little girls feelings and yet she still cried out for me. Without hearing an apology, she had forgiven me and longed for my affection. I went to her instantly and sat next to her. I rubbed her little back and she wrapped her tiny little arms around me. I apologized and told her how much I loved her.

This is the type of forgiveness I wish my heart was filled with.

Now that God has blessed me with two gorgeous daughters, I feel I have expectations of what a mother should feel for their child.The animosity and resentment towards the void of a mother daughter relationship from my childhood and the absence of a grandmother for my daughters grows daily.

This growing resentment got me questioning what I'm teaching my daughters when they see that I cannot forget, forgive and let go of my hurt. Yes, I know that they're not old enough to grasp this concept but one day they will. By not choosing to forgive, I am teaching them selective forgiveness. Choose who you want to forgive and don't worry about forgiving those who you feel have wronged you "more". This is anything but Christ like and I need to do right in my daughters' eyes and God's eyes.

On this journey to forgiveness, I can choose one of two paths. I can choose the path of resentment, hate, and hurt . Or like my kindhearted Penel0pe has taught me, I can choose the path to forgive and forget, without giving it a second thought. I think I choose what my two year old has taught me. Forgiveness.